Just looking for a pat on my back.

So maybe I am searching for a pat on the back!  All these years that I have been writing I dreamed of being a columnist.  My dream is in the palm of my hand…a local magazine has picked up 2 of my articles and expressed serious interest in a monthly contribution.  The magazine is a family based one …right up my ally…I have a family!  The only thing that kind of made we want to decline was that they had the nerve to ask for a picture of me and my little guy! How dare they?, they know I have 3 boys because that is what I write about!! Then the publisher…(yes my publisher)…says to me,that all columnists pictures are on top of their column. (yes..yes..yes…I had to be picked up off the floor).  Sorry older boys… mom loves you but a dream is a dream!

The magazine is available in every corner store, everywhere children attend (schools,hospitals, movies, playgrounds, zoo…you get the point) and of course mailed to your home if you have a subscription.  I live on a small island where each town is like a high school group. You know…the jocks, nerds, rebels, cheerleaders, popular and so on! I am not sure where I fit in or even if I do, but just like high school they know and talk about everyone in the other groups and even amongst their own.  So truth be told I am a bit nervous about what the response will be.  People I chose to know are very aware that I am a writer, those I did not tell I did so for a reason.  I know as a writer my work is always being judged and critiqued and honestly I love it…but not from a toxic uneducated “high schooler”!

“Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can never hurt.” Who the heck said so? Come on now we all know words definitely do hurt!   As a writer words are all I have.  I rather be judged by strangers than so-called friends and even some family members.  Strangers will judge only my words not what they think are behind them.  The toxic people will devour my confidence. We all know the type…the backhanded complimenter, the jealous, the cut you downer, the know it all, the joker, and the down right bullshitting liar!

I trust only a handful of people with my words.  Those few are brutally honest, educated and can contribute to what I missed.  I was so excited about the magazine that I mistakenly told some toxic people.  Of course after speaking to them I wanted to call the publisher (my publisher) and beg him not to print the article and to destroy the picture!  I read my words over and over to the point of  insanity…trying to add, take out, or  completely  rewrite.  After the fourth (5,6 or 7th) glass of wine I stepped away from the key board.  Through my hung over, head pounding limited vision (because some how I lost my glasses from the couch to my bed) I once again read the e-mail confirming the article (my article) print date and a request for more.  Ah! the return of excitement!  Those toxic people can kiss my ass as I turn the other cheek!

So yes, I was looking for a pat on my back! It took me a bit long to realize by seeking such from the wrong type I got exactly what I deserved!

2 thoughts on “Just looking for a pat on my back.

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