We never had the chance to meet. I only know what others tell me about you. I have pictures but still don’t know what you look like. I heard stories of who you were but I don’t know who you are. All I have is an empty feeling. I am jealous that my siblings knew you, my heart breaks because they know what they lost. They have memories I will never , pain from those memories I could never share.
My birth was certainly unplanned as you and Dad went to medical measures to ensure only 3 children. I am thankful and angry at my higher power everyday for such an event. Here I am the youngest of 4, you were given another child to carry and chose to bring into the world hoping to raise us as a family. For what many state happened for a reason, your right was taken away, my right to a happy family was stolen from me at only 9 months of age. I know accidents happen and no one could have controlled that day, but I just can not fathom what the reason could be.
When each of my boys were born, I feared not being there for them, especially the youngest. His birth also defeated medicine. With each passing year I wonder what you think of me. I hope you would be close to my boys. I wonder which one of your grandchildren you would pretend not to favor. I often imagine which one of your daughters you would spend the most time with on the phone complaining about the other. And which son you would call upon the most to help Dad fix up the house.
I could rant and blame my higher power, but honestly all I do is question. I know I will receive the answer one day as I stand in awe of your presence. Untill then I will make the best of everything I have here. I will make sure Dad knows he is loved. My siblings will never doubt that we are bound by love. My husband can bask in the knowledge that I do not come from a broken home and will never break mine. My children will know who I am.
There is an addition to the family on the way. September I will be a grand-mother! Yes, your baby is that old! I will once again wonder your thoughts, especially on being a great-grandmother! Would we have laughed over a glass or two of wine how my boy has aged us and yet made us so happy? Dad is excited to be a great grandparent, especially since the precious little one is a girl! Hey! remember I was the last girl born on this side of the family.
Happy Mother’s Day