That mother daughter thing.

So another Mother’s Day! My 45th motherless Mother’s Day.  I envy those who have that mother daughter thing.  I have so many questions unanswered.  I have asked them many times, my wonderful Aunts have given me their version of  how my mother would answer, but the questions still linger.  I try not to dwell in the sadness but it creeps in this time of year.  Just when I thought I was going to dwell, anger arose instead!

As I listen to daughters (and sons) complain about having to spend the day with their mother I wonder how hard I should slap them up side the head!  I mean really, is having to plan, shop, clean or cook really that much of a sacrifice? ( I’m betting your mom didn’t think so)

When daughters and sons are young, mothers are showered with hand-made cards, macaroni necklaces, and hand-picked flowers. A make shift breakfast is presented with glee and the day is spent doting on mom.  When those same sons and daughters become teenagers, mom gets a peck on the cheek and maybe some time at the breakfast table. When those sons and daughters become adults with families of their own suddenly mom don’t matter.

Adult daughters with children of their own feel as though the day is all about them. Any time spent with their mom takes away from their special day.

Of course, it is about you! I mean you are a mother now.  But stop for a moment and realize that your mom is over the moon to have raised you and now watching you raise your own children. Your mom and mother-in-law feel doubly proud and would love nothing more than to spend the day with you and your children.  And when you are in their shoes you will know that mom is perfectly happy to see you have your day in the sun as she is quietly in the back round helping the grandkids shower you with hand-made items, stringing the macaroni and  cooking your favorite breakfast.

Adult son’s with children of their own somehow feel like it is their anniversary or something special just between husband and wife. Of course you ought to show your wife just how special she is to be the mother of your children.  You better be helping the children hand make something and taking them to the store to show their mother just how appreciated she is! And by all means take the load off her, give her the time to just enjoy being a mother. She should not be cooking, cleaning or planning anything, the only thing your wife should do on Mother’s day is enjoy the love and attention from her children.  But when and who decided that Mother’s day is only about your wife and that your mom don’t even deserve to be lurking in the back round?

I never knew my mother, she passed when I was 9 months. I am lucky enough to have my mother-in-law. Of course she could never take the place of what I feel like I missed out on, nor would I want to put that pressure upon her. But because of  the place she has in my children and my heart she sure deserves to be celebrated. My husband, her son has never expected her to be lurking in the back round. She has always been front and center and shown just how much she is loved and cherished. She raised the man who I cherish and love, she is the mother of the man who gave me my children!  There are so many reason and emotions I could convey for celebrating with my mother-in-law but the single most important one is because she is the mother of the man who I married!

To be perfectly honest I would not respect my husband as much as I do if he did not have his mother on the pedestal she deserves to be on. I always held it dear to my heart that my boys would see how their grandmother is treated and show my grandchildren the same.  (parenting fail 101: having expectations)

The urge to slap others upside their head is so real.  As much as I love my mother-in-law, I wish I was planning on taking my mother to her favorite restaurant or cooking her favorite meal, showing up with her favorite flowers, picking out her favorite baked goods and writing her the perfect mother’s day card. I feel cheated that she is not here to spend our special day as mother’s together.  I wonder if like me she would prefer going to the local nursery and picking out the perfect vegetable and vibrant flowers to plant and asking only for “lots of love of hugs”. (in other words T-I-M-E with my boys)  I know for a fact I would not feel as though she were infringing on my special day. I mean it’s not my birthday, not my wedding anniversary …It’s Mother’s day!! A day to celebrate with your Mother, Mother-in-law, Grandmother, God-mother , Aunts, and all the family and friends that are mothers!!!     (even if it means that you will have to plan, shop, clean or cook..suck it up buttercup and count your blessings that you have someone to do it for)

One thought on “That mother daughter thing.

  1. Wow as a mom of boys I miss the daughter thing & wonder if my mother’s day would be different if I had a daughter. You said it as I think,But of course don’t say. It is not wives day or their BD or anniversary. I don’t even get to linger in the background. Do I sound angry you bet your sweet ___ I am. But it has been many years since I was treated as the mom so I am well use to it. I am sorry too that you miss your mom, If she is looking down she would be so proud of the mom you are . Happy Mother’s Day ❤

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