I wait out the long months of Fall and Winter anticipating my reward. Unfortunately in my adult years Spring has not been worth the wait and has certainly not delivered an award. During the latter part of June, I am rewarded with Summer. My reward does not last very long but I am grateful for it. The long hours of day light is delightful . The smell of the ocean, back yard BBQ , and tanning lotion is tantalizing and the warmth of the sun is stupendous. Ever since I was old enough to possess self-awareness I knew I belong to the sand, ocean and tanned skin. Yet I dwell in the dreary east coast in a suburb that one needs to be diligent towards what lay beneath the sand and dare not venture into the ocean. And sadly tanned skin fades sometime before Halloween.
At this very moment I am mere weeks away from my reward. The excited preparation has begun. My 3 dogs have enjoyed the run of the yard, now I have the disgusting duty of cleaning their free range toilet privilege. During my rewarded season their privileged area will be restricted to a hose off only zone. (I swear I should have been strictly a cat person) The patio furniture is drug out of storage and laying in wait for the home and garden store run for cleaner. The grass seed is spread and lawn edger oiled up and ready to make a perfectly straight line of weed free grass along the patio. The seedlings are already plants and planted in the vegetable garden awaiting to be harvested.
Here in my neck of the woods Mother Nature does not want to cooperate with the “April showers bring May flowers” saying. May came and rain still fell. She graced us with a brief heat wave which confused the flowers, birds and bees. Then dumped more rain and teasing us with spring weather. A day here and there she gave me a reward but took it away soon as night fell. Weeks away from my reward she is still dumping rain and not providing enough warm days to propel the yard preparation forward.
This time of year I start plotting on how I am going to convince my family to uproot their lives just to make my life sunnier. I know that they know that I know ,I will forever be awaiting my season. I will forever be a New Yorker!
Speaking of seasons…so this menopause thing, some call it a season of a woman’s life. Well ya know what?, I could truly do without this season! I think sometime around October of 2016 the wonderful hot flashes went from occasionally to extremely regular. The flashes did save on the heat bill and my clothing expense all winter long. ( I mean come on the family could bundle up, I could not peel enough off )
What I did not anticipate while waiting out the misery for my great reward of Summer is the dreadful feeling of being on the surface of the sun while having a hot flash! I mean in the colder months I could strip down to an acceptable layer of concealment and stand on my porch. But what do I do now? How can I possibly cool down now? Sure I can put the air conditioner on but by the time it reached a temperature that soothed me the flash would be over and I would have melted from the inside out! I could leave the air on all day in anticipation but that would require me to keep the winter clothing out of storage for the rest of the family. ( which my husband does not see how necessary this is to HIS health,… YET!)
Let me try to explain the feeling of a hot flash. It is a flash! You have no warning it’s coming. It can come happen any where. In the shower, while your sleeping, while your all dressed up enjoying a cocktail or two, embraced in a tender moment, in the park with your youngest or while your brushing your teeth. Some times the flash starts at the bottom of my feet. Yes my feet! Imagine walking on hot coals, you don’t feel the pain you just feel the intense heat. Then my shins catch fire from within and sweat, ummm yes my friends shins can sweat! Some how the middle of my body is spared the heat, (briefly). My eye lids feel as though someone is washing them with the hottest ,driest rag from the inside. My hair-line begins dripping sweat into my burning eyes. My head, well its in an incinerator and filling with thoughts of pulling my hair out and or breaking everything I could get my sweaty hands on! Now, …now the middle of my body jumps into the furnace causing rapid heart beating and an ache that forces me to contort in ways I didn’t think were possible. Of course any layer of clothing I didn’t manage to strip away is soaked! And in a flash it’s over. I blink and quickly have to answer the dazed and confused questions written all over faces that are in my vicinity. Which at this point the flash is over but the rage is taking a bit longer to subside. Once subsided then the embarrassment sets in and the apologies flow to whom ever I offended with my snark answers. ( warning: Never, never, ever ask a woman of a certain age whose face is flushed and visible sweat is upon her upper lip is “everything is ok”)
I did not anticipate this happening in the midst of the stupendous warmth of the sun! This “season” of my life is ruining the reward of my beloved Summer season! I did not foresee the prepping of the yard while having a flash. I did not in any way foresee me throwing the stupid patio furniture into the draining pool. No one could foresee me ripping the canopy to shreds instead of ripping out my hair. (which I have learned to keep tightly wrapped in a school marm bun to ensure not a single strand touches my skin) The poor dogs did not foresee that they would be confined to a penned in area and scolded for doing their natural business. My husband did not foresee having to make multiple trips to the home and garden store after his long day of work to replace the hose pipe that was bent because the hose had the nerve to kink!
Summer…. The season I waited too long for , the season Mother Nature is teasing me with, the season that once brought me such joy. The season I once had a kindred connection with. The season that sparked the desire to uproot my family has turned to dread! While this “season” of menopause last it appears as though Winter will be my reward.