It takes a village to raise a family.
Young mothers today seem to feel threatened by the village. They take away the village , take away the child’s ability to know and show love to anyone other than themselves! These new mother lack confidence and assurance that their child will and does love them!
Once upon a time when a child was born into a family, the Grandmothers and Aunts were on hand and ready to bathe, cut nails and show the mother the best way to relieve infant gas. Now they wait for the golden invitation for the opportunity to look at the infant in the bassinet from afar. (but not before they are power washed with sanitizer in the front yard and stripped of all thoughts of kissing the precious child)
Grandmothers, Aunts and Cousins would walk throughout the door with trays of fried, sautéed and baked goods as they were announcing (shouting) they were there to squeeze the little ones cheeks and bit their chubby legs. Grandfathers and Uncles were behind the woman with their tool bags, a few beers and cigars to stand around patting the new dad on his back with pride and scare him a bit with diaper explosion stories as they were putting together all the infant essentials. Now mothers are out to prove they need no one. They rather no dinner be on the table for the father when he excitingly returns home from work. They rather a hired high school student from the local baby store fumble through tightening each screw of the crib and of course there would be no cigar smoking celebratory pat on the back within 10 miles of the house. (ok…we all know smoking of any kind is terrible for anyone especially an infant, but you get the point here…) Any talk of “been there done that” is utter nonsense to the new mother. Even though her and the infants father made it to the point in their lives to conceive a child, the parents had nothing to do with it, in fact they did everything wrong and know nothing about raising a child!
Mothers use to carry their bundle of joy with anticipation of one day having their figure back and fitting into their favorite dress and leaving the baby at Grandma and Grandpa’s house for the long-awaited date night to celebrate being a parent . (in reality the first sleep over was just so mom and dad could sleep). Now the mothers forget all about the fact that they created this beautiful being with the man they love. They want the world to believe being a mother fulfills their every second and the father should be just as fulfilled working all day and coming home to a woman who “is a mother” therefore she has no time to even brush her hair. He should take over child rearing but he of course does nothing right so the mother is “fine” with doing it all. If the father dare express he is tired from work, or that he would like to go out with just his wife, well then he of course hates his life and certainly can not love his child!
These new mothers do not look at their child as a member of the family (the village). No..the child is their possession! Their possession is not a grandchild, niece, nephew or cousin, he/she is a possession that requires written notice to be loved. The family is thought of as out of control and disrespectful to dare to want to hold the child, feed the child, spend time with the child or even buy the child unaproved gifts.
What is the threat? What happened to this generation? When did these new mothers lose the values they were raised with? Who led them to believe they do not need the village? When will they understand the village is there for them to learn from, lean on, teach to and fill their child’s world with love? Why would they want to raise a child that will never know the debts of their father’s silliness and capabilities? Why did they have a child with a man who is nothing more than a pay check? How can these new mothers deny their child the joy of the parent that is not stressed with routine, rules and regulations and that can show a different way to do things. Why would they not want to lean on the man they chose to have a child with? How dare they raise a child that does not know that there are no rules at Grandma and Grandpa’s house and that their every wish will be granted? Why deny them the fact that “NO” is not in a Grandparents vocabulary? What is the reasoning to deny the child to spend time with an Aunt or Uncle that can share fun stories of their parents? How is the child ever going to learn that an Aunt or Uncles house is always a safe place to complain about mom and dad. How can anyone deny a child a safe place to express a thought that only an Aunt or Uncle would understand? Will the child ever learn that cousins are your best friends? (no one will understand the craziness of your family better than a cousin)
I fear there will never be an answer to these questions. I fear generations to come will never know that using the village ensures a healthy, happy, loved, well adjust adult!
I realize this has been happening with the generations that came after me, and that is why the world is in the sate its in!!!
It will take a strong village to rebuild and show these new mothers…there is nothing new about raising a child. The village needs to show these new mothers that your child is of course “your child” and will love you no matter what, but love is what makes the village work!