Here in my neck of the woods school has started. For me and many others that means bidding Summer a bitter-sweet farewell. In full disclosure I find nothing sweet about it, I am completely bitter!.
For the past few years I was blessed to be able to home school my boy. For many reasons he decided to go back into the system. He started 6th grade, his first year in Junior High school. I waited for the last-minute (hoping he would change his mind) to allow this fact to sink in. I woke early his first day. I shuffled through the house singing “rise and shine, its morning time”. I prepared a hearty breakfast of bacon and eggs, and topped it off with hot chocolate for the boy and much-needed coffee for myself. I could not keep my eyes off my growing boy. Who told him he was allowed to grow? Who told him he was allowed to make his own decisions? Does he not understand he is my youngest by far of my 3 boys and he has to stay that way?
I know what you are thinking…and your right! His father taught him such nonsense!!! Well, ok in full disclosure we both taught him and his brothers to grow into confident, strong, independent , well-rounded,compassionate men. Although my little guy is far from a man, he his headed in the right direction, (that does not mean I have to like it).
For the past few years this time of year was a celebration. In fact we would get together with our home school community and have a “Not Back To School” picnic celebration. We celebrated not having to keep a schedule, not having to answer to “the man“ and the fact the our Summer was as long as mother nature provided it to be. I loved not waking to an alarm clock, having the run of the parks and teaching my boy the basics and focusing on his interests. We have a diverse home school community with many interests and we gathered often for learning and playing. My boy was well-rounded with learning and socializing but he felt something was missing. Rather he wanted one aspect of his diverse day to be missing…..ME!!
I sort of understand where he is coming from. He is struggling so hard for his independence and he feels if he remains home with me he will never gain such. Again…how dare he have such thoughts? Where did I go wrong? Does this boy not understand, it’s all about me?! I do not want him at the tender age of 11 to be so independent. I want him home with me. I want to be the one teaching him. I want to be the one seeing the very moment he understands what is being taught. I want to watch him interacting with his friends. I do not want him in the care of strangers. I WANT the Summer to last as long as possible! I NEED his childhood to last for as long as possible!
I stood there at the far end of the court-yard with all the other parents. I needed to be there on the line with him assuring him that everything was going to be just fine and that I was just a phone call away. In reality I was the one that needed reassuring.
When I returned to my house, I was devastated. I was alone. It was too quiet. Who am I? What am I? I was a home school mom. Now I was just a mom home alone!
I bid Summer a sad,sad farewell! I will face wherever this new season of my life takes me and thrive in it!! (but…I DO NOT HAVE TO LIKE IT!)